"God is within her, she will not fall."
~Psalm 46:5
I've spent most of my life not feeling good enough, like I never measured up. Not pretty enough, smart enough, funny enough, etc. Being a people pleaser, this was very hard.
Up till recently, I let other people define who I was. I was told my whole life on how I should have Christ define me but didn't really grasp that until the last couple years.
Back in December of 2019, I had a breakdown. I had been dealing with severe depression and anxiety, that was getting worse and worse, the months leading up to that point. I coped with it by restricting my food intake, which made it worse and worse. Severe depression led to insomnia and that's when I fell apart.
I've never been so scared in my life. Rock bottom was where I was at. Nowhere to look but up. Nothing to hold onto but the hymn of His garment. Like a helpless child, I needed my Heavenly Father more than ever.
This is where life had a whole new perspective. I had no choice but to surrender to Jesus and let Him walk with me through treatment.
Yes, I did say that God led me, as I got help from doctors and counseling. It takes more faith to get help than to not get help. What stopped me before? Pride.
There was this obsession to have it all together and to look a certain way. Talk about exhausting. It drained the life out of me. I completely lost sight of who I was...especially, who I was in Christ.
"But now, thus says the Lord, who created you, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are Mine."
~Isaiah 43:1
I always look at my nieces and think about how much I love them and NOTHING would ever change that. That's a glimpse of God's love for us. Nothing compares to the feeling holding a little human in your arms and those innocent eyes looking into yours. In those very eyes, I see pure love and find myself thinking about how beautiful they are to me, just the way they are...just the way our Creator made them.
"Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
~Romans 8:37-39
When I stop and truly take in what the Word says about how much my Father loves me, it really shifts the perspective and the scales start to fall from my eyes. My Jesus loves the woman I was created to be. A woman created to love boldly, give a helping hand, speak His Truth, share my story, and be proud of the woman I see in the mirror. A woman who has been through a lot and made it through, came out stronger and wiser. Through the dark nights, when I felt like giving up, my Savior was counting my tears and holding my fragile heart. All the while, He was doing a work in me and refining in ways only He could. Now, when I look in the mirror, I see a warrior and daughter of the Most High. Now, I can and will try to remind others to look to Heaven to see who they really are in the eyes of our Father.
"Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it spring the issues of life."
~Proverbs 4:23
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